“Oh, so you’re trans now?” 

Yeah, for a long time now actually.

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I’ve been trans for a long time. Just because I haven’t always been comfortable or open about it doesn’t change the fact that I am trans now and that I see my past experiences as trans experiences. The idea that any one person can police anyone’s presentation or identity is ludicrous at best, and usually pretty harmful. Especially when these sentiments are shared with people who you look up to, or even those you see as equals. The people we’re close to dictate how we think and feel, to an extent. So when someone starts policing someone else’s identity it gives the people around them the idea that this is OK, when it’s not.

I’m not trans “now”, like it’s something that just happened overnight. I’m not queer because I just decided to be one day. It’s way more complicated than that, and quite frankly, if you’re the kind of person to say “oh, she’s trans now”, I’m not likely to share much with you anyway. I make an actual effort to surround myself with people who at the very least sympathise with what I’ve been through. People who assume that being gay is as easy as flipping a switch in my mind usually aren’t high on my list. 

There are so many examples of language being cissexist. This is just one that was bothering me today. Because that question is only being asked now, since I’ve started making an effort to medically transition; as if coming out and being out before actively seeking medical advice meant I wasn’t trans enough. It’s a weird misunderstanding I’ve heard cis people having: they think “trans” stands for “transition”, “transitioning”, or “transitioned”. Which doesn’t really make sense, if you actually listen to trans people for more than the two minutes of average representation we tend to get in popular media. 

It’s weird and uncomfortable that cis people don’t necessarily see transgender people as valid until they’ve transitioned, how they see transitioning as the key to a trans person’s happiness. And sure, it does make a lot of trans people happy to transition in some way, but really transitioning is such a broad range of things, from changing your name, to dressing differently, to hormones or surgery, or even just dressing, speaking, and presenting exactly the same as one did before “coming out” because gender is a construct and presentation doesn’t have to align with societal norms. 

Anyway, that’s just what was bothering me this week. It’s been on my mind especially with my own medical transition approaching; I’ll be starting HRT within the month, and I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas. Except with uni assignments due and political arguments with myself going on in my head. 

Author: oleanderglenie

21 year old trans creative writing student from Adelaide, South Australia.

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